Back To Basics

Don’t wear your emotions on your sleeves – I was glancing through one of the smart shortcut, do-it-yourself handy books in a book store. Simplification had started with instant noodles then coffee and now it has crept into our psyche. Instant is now tagged onto success and even character building methodologies. These until a few years ago was taken or understood to be a long drawn process. Sometimes even an entire lifetime looked inadequate.

Take the example of the person who sat on the chair at the helm of any business, institution, company, a decade ago. It took consistent, mature, exemplary, dynamic performance coupled with his human touch to be able to get there. The incumbent would be baked in the oven of experience and all his skills – soft and business had to be chiselled before he was thought to be worthy enough.

From the basket of soft skills that are struggling to exist, I pick one, ‘being sensitive’ or in one word ‘empathy’. This almost is being pushed to near extinction by a genre of breezy, trendy traits like aggressiveness, brashness that are producing more brats. These are being safely harboured under an umbrella painted “attitude” on it. Successful people are the ones with loads of “attitude” is the belief of today.

The word empathy has a simple meaning – the ability to share and understand another’s feelings. The Oxford Dictionary defines it thus. Put to test, it is an uphill climb. When did I last empathise with a fellow human being, I reflect and the honest reply pops up. Not in the recent past. “I” has become the all consuming factor in our lives. Where is the time to think about “you”? If I have to put myself in your shoes, won’t I be losing out on precious time? I am in the rat race you see. It is all about who gets there first.

Stop. Get where and how?

If I cannot feel or see your point of view, my fellow human being or colleague or friend then what does that make me. Sub-human. That is the point blank answer. Unsettling, is it not? How we love to throw our power around. Whatever maybe the relationship. What matters is who calls the shots and who is at the receiving end. Why has it become so difficult to do what is actually so human in nature. It is a basic trait that we are all born with. Why are we allowing it to slip off our behavioral radar?

The reasons could be many but to me what comes foremost is our changing value system. Moral science classes have been replaced by smart lesson ones. Their argument, it enhances a child’s growth. A growth devoid of values? Every institution is bursting at the seam with smart, intelligent individuals. They all know how to make everything else tick but ask them on the people front and you can count your find on your fingers. Also soft skills are not given much importance and just remain words decorating the mission and vision statements. Uncomfortable question but I must ask how many promotions or even recognitions are given for being a good human being? None.
I am the boss and I can shout at you for your lapse. But to do that in public is a lack of empathy. I would not wish it on myself even in my nightmare. But I do it to you. Warped way of deriving pleasure. Sorry chum you would have to scramble up the ladder to try it on others or do it now to the ones below you. The game continues. More importantly, tolerated. After all I take care of the bottom line. How we play is no more important but winning or delivering is the target.

Fools were those who nurtured. Those who helped to blossom. Those who put out a hand to steady and support. Do you remember your father’s encouraging words and his hands on your shoulder the day you failed to get selected in the school football team? Your mother’s hug when you got shouted at in front of the class for failing in chemistry? What was that, love. What were they doing, empathizing. It can be as basic as that.

There is no leave left in your account and you need to be at the hospital for a family member’s surgery. You hesitate to even ask, a rule is a rule after all, you reason. Your Boss calls you and says that you can have the day off. You have no words to thank. That is empathy. You think is he the same person who just the other day shredded you to pieces in front of the whole department? Being blunt is perhaps required to get work done or to bring somebody to task but it should not become an opportunity to hit below the belt. Even during a ‘yelling’ match remember that you are dealing with another human being and not a block of dead wood.

Even lending a patient ear is empathy. Any act that says “I understand” is empathy. It may sound archaic to the modern but some things are timeless. Pre requisite for any top, middle or junior position is being a good human being first. It is the human qualities that make a person outstanding. History is alive enough to tell us that.

You don’t have to wear ‘empathy’ on your sleeves but let it become your permanent core attire. Understand to be understood. No, there are no instant tips that could help you imbibe empathy. It comes with practice. No short cuts for this outstanding quality that enhances one’s character. Power, position, authority are temporary or transitory, yet we strive towards it. It will make better sense if we invest some of our time consciously steering our actions to just remain on the human track.

Empathise; you never know when you may need it. After all it is a human world.