Leafy Green Thoughts

Spring cleaning maybe a back breaking exercise but it always throws up some surprise that acts as a balm on my tired self. There is a box full of books that I hold dear to me and every spring cleaning mission I just change the box but never remove a piece from the pile. Fairy tales, adventure, ghost stories, a few autobiographies and of course the romantic stories all stacked together, a precious piece of my growing up years.

This time I went through the lot, book by book. A film of haze had settled on them reflecting their age. Some had dog ears and I admonished myself of not handling the books carefully. There was joy emanating from each yellow page that I touched. The romantic pile brought out girly giggles as I recalled how I used to read them in the dead of night, sometimes using a torch to avoid getting caught. It was a different era or is it still the same? Do youngsters of today miss a heartbeat as they read about the tall dark and handsome hero behave in the most obnoxious chauvinistic manner yet melting in the knees in the last few pages.

Nestled in amongst the lot I found a tattered diary. At first I could not recollect its existence but slowly it came back. I was never a diary person but only when I would want to hold onto my thoughts that I wrote. Pages written in pencil had gone practically blank but I strained to catch a few words and surprisingly the thoughts started to flow in.

I present to you from the tattered diary of young autumn leaf. It could be disjointed because pages and words have been wiped out. Some have dates others are just a paragraph or a line. Here are a few pages that I could read.

Not dated: I want to fly. Why can’t I? Two wings pasted on the shoulder should do it. Shall ask grand ma to make some strong glue for me. Wish I was a crow.

3-03-69: We have a house of our own now. Grand ma and I share a room. Have been given a place for my dolls and toys. They are very happy. The best part of this house is that it has a tiny garden and a coconut tree at the side. Grand ma says we will plant other trees. It gets very quiet in the evenings. One girl came to play with me today but went away because she did not want to play with my dolls. She said they were not good. Some don’t have hands or legs but they are good. I love them.

12-06-69: Cousin Sister’s wedding was fun. She looked so beautiful with all the jewellery and the red and gold veil. I liked the gifts she was getting, so many. The husband looked good but I did not like him because he was smoking and it made me cough. We all cried when she left with her husband. Why can’t girls remain in their homes after marriage? I will not go.

Why does my mother always think that I am not good in studies? I don’t like to do sums but I am always forced. I love literature, moral science and history. She will not allow me to study literature in the morning and it makes me sad. I love the poem “The Echoing Green”. All my friends write poetry but I cannot. I will try.

There is a war on. Lights out in the evenings. People talk in hushed tones. Grand ma says at war times we must be alert but why must we fight? There are some new people who have come to our area, small children also. They are refugees. They have seen war they say. Lot of people killed and their homes were burnt. They are here in search of a new home. My mother gave them some clothes and food. I saw a rag doll in a little girl’s hand. She said that was all they could come with. Poor doll looked in need of a bath. I thought these people will stay in our garden but they left. I wish I see them again.

Today I was elected the class monitor. I will get my badge soon. I will not be like others; I will not give names of talking girls to the teachers. I will bring out the register before the teacher asks me. I won by 14 votes. I was very happy. Lunch time I cannot play because I have to see that no one remains in the classroom. I will come home and play.

20-01-73: Today I spoke in the morning assembly. They all said my voice was very good. I spoke on good deeds. Ms. Saunders was especially happy about my pronunciations. I have been asked to speak again next month. Topic I will have to choose. As usual some girls were jealous, it makes me sad.

I don’t like my birthday; it is always during my final examinations. I cannot even wear a coloured dress to school.

Yesterday my maternal grand ma passed away. She had cancer. I had made pudding for her two days ago, she could hardly eat. She is with God now, must be happy. We are all sad. Ma keeps crying but we all have to go someday. Losing ones parents can be painful.

Some loose sheets dated 28th. June 1979:

School over. I have decided to become a journalist. Getting to the root of the matter is what excites me. Television too interests me but I guess you have to look good to become a news reader. I am good with my voice and diction but don’t know if they will like my face. Newspaper journalism is what I will begin with. Political news I am not interested in but I like sports news. My friend told me that girls do not do sports reporting then I do not know what I will write about. I must also learn to type on the typewriter, maybe a course in shorthand would help. But all this after I finish with my high school. Then do my graduation and after that can I study journalism. God please help me, it is my wish to become a journalist.

1982 I got married. God had other career plans for me. I just took you on a journey of a young green leaf that after years have mellowed into an autumn leaf.